So sad :(

I think it's safe to say we're not pregnant anymore.  Today I woke up to blood and kind of knew that this was it.  Called the midwife, they sent me for an ultrasound.  The ultrasound showed nothing in there (although it was too early to see anything at all even if there was something in there).  I took another test tonight and it was negative.  Needless to say, we're both devastated. It hasn't even been 5 days and we've gone from absolute elation to complete devastation.

I guess we have to start the roller-coaster ride all over again this month.  I'm praying it doesn't take long to get pregnant again, and that this one has some built in crazy glue to stick in tight.  

4w2d: A little scared and worried

I know I shouldn't be worrying.  The nurse and midwife who I spoke to on the phone both reassured me on 2 separate occasions that this is totally normal, but it is the most disconcerting thing on the planet to see when you're pregnant- brown spotting.  It isn't heavy, only at times accompanied by cramps, but yet, despite being told it's normal, I still worry that this baby is not going to be with us for long.  I cried for a bit this morning thinking that we could be losing our baby, and I'm praying so hard for the bean to stick, and I know that no matter what I do, it's all in God's hands now.  Please let this little one stick.  I didn't think I was attached yet, but I am, and I want this baby to stick so much.  

3w6d: It still hasn't sunk in yet.

Well I went to the walk-in clinic at my University today and had a pregnancy test done there just to confirm.  Their tests were not nearly as sensitive as what I used yesterday, but a faint line eventually did show up.  The doctor I got highly recommended us go with a midwife rather than an OB/GYN, which we were planning on doing anyway, so when I got back to work, I emailed the midwife that I had already thought of going with.  She emailed back and we've arranged for a phone chat later this week.  She mentioned she may be going on vacation at the end of the year so she may not be available to deliver our baby, so we'll have to see.

It still doesn't feel real.  I keep thinking that this is going to be taken away from me at any minute.  Even just chatting with my husband about it makes me feel so surreal.  I think it'll start sinking in once we have our first official appointment, until then, I'm still on cloud nine.

Wow... just, wow!

Well, what a day it has been. Today my fertility friend chart said it was time to do a pregnancy test and see if I was pregnant. This is just our 3rd month trying, so I wasn't holding out much hope. That being said, I had been having some symptoms like having to pee 20 times a day that raised my suspicions, but I didn't want to get my hopes up just in case.

So this morning, I took my temperature (it went up 0.1 of a degree) and then went and pe'ed on a stick. Well the results were less than desirable. After 5 minutes, I thought I could see a faint line but figured since the 5 minute time limit was about to pass, it meant nothing, so I threw it in the garbage and went back to bed. Well, when my hubby woke up he wanted to see the crap test and when he looked at it he saw a line. I did too but it had already been an hour (well past the time limit at this point) so we resolved that I would hold my pee for as long as I could possibly stand it and try again with the other test.

Well, 4.5 hours later, I tried another test and sure enough, within 1 minute, I had a positive. I showed my husband and he said "pee on the digital" lol. We had picked up a digital test yesterday and I figured I wouldn't use it till later in the week if we had been getting promising faint positives. Well I buckled and dipped the digi test too. Sure enough, 2 minutes later, we saw the word "pregnant" and since we're in Canada we got the French version too. Here is the pic:

We are both thrilled but can't believe that this has finally happened to us. Now the dreaded 3 month wait begins. I'm heading to my University clinic tomorrow to confirm things and get referred to a midwife. Here's to a sticky bean :)